Eaten by Tapirs

I miss my dignity...

Yesterday was a very dignified day for me at school. In the midst of a discussion about the roots of Islamic terrorism, I attempted to turn my head and yawn quietly to myself – I was up too late the night before reading about things I no longer remember. Would that it had ended there.

In the middle of the yawn, without warning or choice, a great wrenching burp tore loose from somewhere deep inside my lungs, and forced itself out my throat. I had no option in the matter – my muscles were otherwise occupied with the yawn. I had a split second to think “Perhaps that only sounded loud in my head. Perhaps no one else in the class is even vaguely aware of my crudeness.

Then the student next to me slumped quietly in his seat, hiding his head. The lecture stopped, and all eyes latched onto me. The teacher, mid-word, swiveled to face me, asking “Was that what I think it was” while the rest of the class detonated into awkward laughter. I pleaded for clemency, tried to explain to everyone that this was a biological glitch, no more an act of rudeness or will than a heartbeat. Then I simply suggested that, as everyone had had their laughs, it was time to move on and salvage what we could from the smoking wreckage of the class.

Two hours later, some of my classmates were still laughing so hard they had to periodically flee the room and cackle in the hallway. This morning, my professor made three separate references to the incident in the first eight minutes of class. I’m fairly certain someone will make a speech about my burp at graduation.

posted by Paul @ 1:19 PM